House sitting my aunt's (A) place since her kids are out on a camping trip and she plus hubby are taking off on their own adventures.  On the plus side I get their flat which is walking distance to the town square.  Probably should have gone out tonight but kind of have the blues so told myself tomorrow will be a different story.

Came over last night so that A could show me around, what needs to be feed and what needs to be feared so on.
Two fishy one a gold fish red cap and another bottom feeding fish which name is (fuck it can't find it online so I'll post a pic).
A nice rat which is friendly compared to other rats.  This one hasn't been known to bite anyone yet and I'm hope that it stays that way.  Decided to let her out for a little bit but she didn't trust me so ran off, eventually crawled onto the sofa where I caught her and shortly after put her back into the cage.  I did give her a piece of cheese which was quickly chewed up.  On the crappy side forgot to take a book I was reading with me so will have to go back home tomorrow to retrieve it.

I guess it's time for crap that I'd rather not write about but it wouldn't be much of a diary if I didn't.
Aunt A got upset that I gave money to my little cousins her son and daughter.  It wasn't much but money has always been tight in my family and A has been feeling the pinch lately.  This brought up a discussion about my past and my mom's past.  She talked about the old times and the sacrifices that had to be made. (A lesson which I probably ignored.)  Part of it my mom being married to an abusive husband and everything that she had to go through. I guess that's what made tears flow her eyes.  I hugged her and comforted her which isn't something that comes naturally to me.  For the most part I've learnt to be anti-social and emotionless maybe it's a defence mechanism haven't figured it out.  She said she was glad she married a good man and that my mom's life has been stolen from her and all she has is me.  Kind of made me realize that I've been an ass to her in these recent times.  Nothing of which she can be blamed for but just my own fuck ups which it seems really amounts to being nothing significant.  In most part I like to think I've put my past behind me and moved on but in truth it's probably present in everyday life in what I say, how I act and who I am.  I guess there should be a conclusion to all of this and maybe there will be one day but I don't have one yet.

In other news I was suppose to go on a date tomorrow but called it off.  The girl is too young and definitely not mature enough.  Didn't want to take it further knowing nothing good will come out of it.  I knew so before asking her out but figured might have some fun and make some boring days disappear but it wouldn't have been worth it.

I haven't touched a smoke in almost a month now.  Never been much of a smoker and any positive association that I might have had with it turned to negative again so don't feel like smoking.  Same goes for other forms of drugs but have noticed that my nerves are acting up at times and days which seem like shit have no outlet.  I haven't ate much this week might be the heat or lack of MJ.

P.S.  Lied about the pics hopefully they'll be up tomorrow.